Fair warning. I have said before that I don't like airing out my dirty laundry and while I don't enjoy it, sometimes it helps. It's like having a bad mood. Sometimes, it just helps to spread it around.
I don't think it's any big secret that I am single and don't like it. I have never enjoyed being a single guy. I don't know if that's from lack of confidence of finding another person to care for, or maybe it's just my nature to want to be with someone. I think it's a little of both honestly. However, being single is typically what I am and it's honestly what people view me as. There are two types of people out there: 1) those who always have a significant other(s) and 2) those who are perpetually single. I'm, of course, number two.
Most of the time this doesn't bother me. However, there are select times where this drives me absolutely crazy. Now before you keep on reading, I'd just like to state for the record, to all of my friends that have girlfriends and/or wives and have invited me to functions, I AM NOT BITCHING ABOUT YOU. I always enjoy hanging out with friends. Always. Whether you're married or not, please don't un-invite me to shit just because you're afraid I might take it the wrong way or get pissed by being a third or fifth wheel.
Today I got back from being at Amos and Sue-anna's for one of their many engagement parties, and while I had a wonderful time, I still could not help but wonder when this was going to happen to me. Those two kids are entirely happy together and I know they will be for the rest of their days. It's no secret that I have always been ready to settle down, even during my hardcore partying days at school. I think I have just functioned better as a person when I have someone to share my experiences. Now this may come off as too incredibly sappy but I could care less about sex. All I want is that old feeling back from when I was with Courtney, Kelly, or any other long-term relationship I've had. I miss kissing, cooking and waking up next to someone. Please believe, that's it. Sex, like Tennessee's football team, is overrated.
And ya know what I really don't like? When people tell me how great of a guy I am. I know y'all mean well, but ya know how crappy it is to hear someone tell you how awesome you are and then pick some piece of shit to date, or worse, they tell you how wonderful of a guy you are and then you stay single while they KEEP TELLING YOU. I mean I understand I'm a decent guy but my friends must be the only ones that think so because I'll be damn if anyone else does. People wonder why I'm on this huge quest to lose weight and all I have to do is point them to all the friends I have in Savannah...all zero of them (if you exclude the ones from work). We live in a looks-based society and unless I change mine real soon, I'll be single for a long time. Truth be known, I don't expect anyone to date someone they're not attracted to, so obviously I'm an unattractive guy. And please, don't post comments rejecting my ideas and opinions on this. There's a reason I'm still single, let's not ignore it so I can save face. Hell I'll be the first guy to say I don't like dating overweight women. I'm not going to be hypocritical and bitch about no one wanting to date me.
The reason I was so upset when Courtney and I split was that it truly fucked up my five-year plan. I mean fucked it ALL up. I had always dreamed I would know whom I was going to marry by the time I graduated. Mainly because I knew in the real world, it'd be tougher to meet people. So, of course I was shattered when it was over. Now what I should've done is picked myself up and started a little relationship here and there with the people I know I could've dated instead of biding my time until I moved away. I could've learned how to effectively date (I still have no game, no clue about game and I could give less of a damn about game) and that probably would've helped down here.
Basically, today I'm using my blog as my own personal journal as opposed to my political mouthpiece. I'm totally jealous of Amos and Sue-anna because I think we all know how lucky both are to have the other one. I assume I'll be taken soon enough, but it's not happening at a rate that I'm happy with (of course no one gets that luxury) and with times increasingly getting tougher, something's got to give. All I do know is that this is my journey and times will get bumpy before they get smooth. The plane might be going down, but at least my seats double as flotation devices (that's the best I could come up with).
Until next time kids...
Be safe. "Tell her,Tell her she can kiss my ass, then laugh and say that you were only kiddingThat way she’ll know that it’s really, really, really, really me, me"
~~ R.E.M. "The Sidewinder Sleeps Tonite"