Collage 3
The Dawg-gone Blog
Official Sponsor of "Clean, Old-Fashioned Hate" Since 1981
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Intensity? Cheesy.

Seriousness? Absolutely.

Fart near the end? Negative. That was my cellphone vibrating.

Labels: , , , ,

Editor's Note: For maximum effect, this letter should be read in a tone which emphasizes that you are right, they are so incredibly wrong, and they're idiots for being that way. It's the swagger in your voice that's the trick. The kind of tone where you're making fun of them and they don't even realize it. Think "Dennis Miller on a rant" and that should just about do the trick.

Dear Florida Gators,

I'm going to make this as short as possible. I don't want to even think that I wasted a perfectly good 30 minutes to an hour's worth of time when I could be watching something 10x more interesting like "Ghost Hunters" or hell, even "Lou Dobbs." I'll take old Lou telling me how much this country's gone to hell because of illegal immigration rather than spending 1/4 of my brain power exerting myself over this post.

UGA fans hate you. We all do. We all have reason to, as well. You see, as the little baby of the SEC until somewhere around 1992, we just kind of let you exist. We didn't put you out of your misery like we should have. We showed mercy in letting you exist. But noooooooo, you had to go and hire the Evil One and cast a spell on us. Now, every time we cross into the state of Florida (something we also hate), we wet the bed and run home talking about "next year."

We're tired of "next year."

Enjoy your time with The Chosen One, aka, Tim Tebow. He's your Herschel. We know what it's like to have one of those. You know, that player who makes the whole team better by being on the field, or even just talking on the sidelines. Yeah, like I said, we've been there before. We despise you for it, too. If for no other reason than because it reminds us of the fact it's been almost 30 years since ours whipped you up and down the field.

This isn't as much as a letter of hate as it is a letter of warning. You'd BETTER win on Saturday. It's in your best interest to do so. Why? Because if you don't, then you all know it's going to be bad for a very, VERY long time. This is your last chance to parade around your trick pony. Get as much out of him as you can. The losing consistently should start soon and you don't want to bring all that on to you this quickly do you? The talent level is equal. The coaching? Well you have that in your favor for the time being.

But it's catching up to you, and quickly. We'll do what we need to do. You need to win the game so that the bleeding doesn't start sooner than it should. It's coming. I know it's coming.

There's no pressure on us, by the way. We know what we are. We are a 4-3 team looking outside in. We have no realistic shot at anything except pride. You know what builds pride? Taking someone else's. Guess who has more to lose in this game? The team with no shot at anything but pride, or the team who could lose their SECC-punched ticket, their MNC shot, and the title of "prettiest girl in school."

We're on the outs in this one, Gators. The last time we felt that way? 2007. The time before that? 2004. We're rested, you're tested. You've never gone undefeated in a season. You think we don't want to be the one that crashes your birthday party, craps in your cake, and then sleeps with your girlfriend upstairs because the "hunch punch makes her do regretful things?"Oh, you're wrong sir. We WANT to be that team.

And right now, we ARE that team.

No pressure,



Editor's Note: For maximum effect, it's important to read this hate letter in a pious, yet almost discouraged, tone. Preachy, but not expectant of change. For a good example, it'd be about the same kind of tone Agent Smith uses in The Matrix trilogy.

Dear Florida (The State),

I don't like you. While your beaches may be nice and serene, you find ways of bringing in rednecks from around the globe to ruin it on any given weekend in the summer. While your Gulf of Mexico water may be crystal clear, on your side it's filled with the urine of guest stars on COPS, World's Deadliest Police Chases, and any other show you might randomly find on a boring Sunday while watching TruTV.

Your inhabitants are too northern to be considered southern and your geographical location is too southern to classify you as northern. You are purgatory. I'm sure you've heard of purgatory. It's for those without purpose. It's an area where you're not good enough to go to heaven and not too blatantly awful to be in hell.

I don't like your football teams. FSU is way past its prime, Dat UUUUUUUUUU is as inconsistent of a team that I've ever seen, and USF is an excuse for people around Orlando to see football. You do have one consistently good football team, though, in the Florida Gators. Tomorrow, we'll discuss my hate for them in more detail.

It's no secret that I'm a UGA fan, Florida. I've traveled past your borders for the past 10 years straight just to come out with two, count them, TWO victories. However, I kept going back for more and more, because I hate you Florida, and any day that I was able to dance in your street after a victory is a day I'll cherish. It's kind of like going into Emeril Lagasse's house and telling him his food sucks, then laughing uncontrollably as I munch down McDonald's in his face.

I won't be visiting you this year, Florida. I'll be here, hating you from afar. However, even though I'm one day late in kicking off Hate Week Part I for 2009, please know that I didn't forget you. I just couldn't find a way to adequately express myself until now.

It's not the same kind of boiling disgust that I have for that joke of a school, fan base and football team right down the street from my house. No, my hate for you Florida is a different kind. The same kind of hate the U.S. still has for Russia. That kind of hate where I can tolerate you, but I can't stand to be near you for extend stretches of time.

So, Florida, should there be a catastrophic earthquake where one state has to break off and drift out to sea, I'm choosing you. It would have been California, but they give us movies and good wine. You give us sand in our crotch and horrible drivers. I think my choice is justified.



P.S. -- No, seriously, I really don't like you at all.

Labels: ,

Tuesday, October 20, 2009
It seems everywhere we turn nowadays there's flaws with college football as a whole. Dawg fans notice gigantic flaws within the team, SEC fans are subjected to huge flaws in officiating, and college fans in general are pissed with the often-flawed BCS system.

As Dawg fans, we go out of our way sometimes to find the flaws. Hell, I'm guilty of it as much as anyone else. We beat Vandy handily, but I was no where near satisfied with the victory. Aside from a 4th quarter where we had guys in that seemingly wanted to play football, there really wasn't much to talk about other than A.J. Green.

Sure, the Defense played OK against a horrible Vandy team, A.J. played exceptionally well for his three catches, and Bobo showed us a "moment of brilliance" playcall with that screen pass to Caleb King, but other than that, I think we all left a little unfulfilled.

That's not to say it was all bad, though. I mean with what the team's been through, you'd have to think that the Dawgs were as down in the mouth as any team in America right now. An overly-talented team struggling in every game, a coaching staff on the verge of collapse, and a fanbase that has no idea what they really want to happen other than "change." Unless Helen Keller was suiting up for UGA, you know the players were hearing or seeing things that sent shockwaves through the lockerroom. It's going to happen.

The most important thing is that a 10-win season is OBTAINABLE. Is it likely? Not at all, but OBTAINABLE is better than impossible. At this point, I'd settle for revenge and a one-day-at-a-time mentality. I'd settle for our players trying to go and ruin Florida's season by beating them in Jacksonville. That's all I want to think about and that's all I want to hear about. I want a team mentality where everyone realizes that they truly have nothing to lose.

However, that's not going to happen unless Mike Slive gets a hold of the referees in this conference. Even I was getting tired of hearing about how all the SEC refs hate us, but the truth is, I'm starting to think that sans Florida and Alabama, they really do hate everyone. The numbers aren't lying and it's downright scary. With our statistics regarding penalties growing exponentially since the Celebration in 2007, combined with the LSU screw job, and the debacle in Gainesville last weekend against Arkansas, you can surely bet that no call is 100% right.

I guess the thing that's most frustrating about it all is that these calls aren't DETERMINING games. They're just influencing them. Arkansas didn't lose last weekend because of bad calls -- they lost because of missed field goals. We didn't lose against LSU because of a bad call against A.J. -- we lost because we can't cover worth a damn on Special Teams. The frustrating thing about the penalty issue is that a bad call of a non-touchdown or interception can be overturned with video evidence nowadays. A bad penalty call sets the tone, changes momentum and helps someone greatly while dismantling someone else's chances. It's not a matter of fairness -- it's a matter of responsibility.

No one's asking the refs to call every ticky-tack penalty. They're asking the refs to call it down the middle. They're asking the refs to call what needs to be called, and when it doubt, don't call it. It's that simple. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that we're dealing with hyper-sensitivite SEC referees when it comes to all teams not named "Alabama" or "Florida." I'm not subscribing to any conspiracy theories, but all I know is that those games are called differently for those teams than they are for the rest of the conference, especially in regards to Florida.

Slive needs to get on it, or Slive will be barking up a bad tree. SEC Football is religion to a lot of fans. It's one thing to have one school think the refs are against them. It's entirely different to have 10 schools think that way.

So, let's all enjoy the bye week for what it is...a chance to relax and focus for next weekend. We all need that right now.

Here's wishing a flawless week for you and yours.

Until next time kids.

Be safe.

Labels: , , , , ,

Thursday, October 15, 2009
Starched shirt returns!

Until next time kids.

Be safe (and Go Dawgs!).

Labels: , , ,

Monday, October 12, 2009
Let's admit it, kids. On Saturday, I was PISSED. More pissed than I was when UGA lost to South Carolina at home in 2001. I remember how I treated that loss and it ended with me punching things, throwing boxes (I was still unpacking my apartment at the time) and just generally throwing a hissy fit. Why that game specifically? Because in 2001, I was excited about Mark Richt, our program and where we could go. We had talent -- South Carolina did not. We had begun a new era -- South Carolina was still South Carolina.

Since then, we've experienced some of the highest moments in UGA's storied history. We've won two SEC Championships, competed for a third and were only a handful of plays away from playing for the national title in those three years, plus the epic screw-job of 2007.

I wasn't that fan on Saturday though. I've been accused way too many times of being a "Disney Dawg." One that always errs on the side of caution. One that thinks it's better to be a Georgia fan than any other college football fan on any given Saturday. One that looks upon past success and keeps faith. I wasn't that fan on Saturday and I'm just now on Monday coming back to being that fan again. That being said, I'm still not quite there yet. It's with an incredibly ominous tone that I express how much I hate this feeling.

Saturday's game was the worst game I've ever personally seen a UGA team play. I know there have been worse, but I also know it wasn't beat out by much. We were out coached, out hustled, out hearted (yes, I said "heart"...har har), out cared, and out classed by a UT team that is essentially already playing for next year. You heard Lane Kiffin. You heard him classify our game as a "great recruiting victory." He doesn't care about what that team does this year. He's already given up this season in hopes of building a better one next year. That's not only disheartening for us, but flat out embarrassing.

I know our guys care about winning. I know the coaches, players, trainers and fans all care about leaving the field with a victory. However, I'm not sure if they're afraid of what will happen if they leave the field with a loss.

It's important to recognize that changes need to be made. It's important to also realize that they're not going to be made right now and even if some responsibilities shift hands, WE'RE NOT GOING TO HEAR ABOUT IT. It's like what PWD said in regards to Bobo first taking hold of the playcalling duties. CMR was only going to pass those off in a position of power. That time was 2006...the only other time a team in the CMR era has been considered as "disappointing."

Both PWD and The Good Senator have amazingly well thought-out posts on the subject. Blutarsky has a couple more than PWD does, but both have great articles that should be read and should be read as quickly as possible.

It's important to realize that wholesale changes need to come, but not at the behest of the season. We're six games in, with six to go. An SECC is out of the question for the most part, and there's no reason to think we'll do any better than an Outback Bowl appearance. These are facts. We as fans, need to understand and come to terms with that.

However, there's no need to think that it's now time to throw Logan or Murray out there to the wolves. Regardless of what you want to say, Joe Cox gives us the best chance to win at QB. What's stunting him is our incredible lack of a running game...something we've NEVER experienced in Athens under Mark Richt. Maybe that's why we're so shaken up as a fan base.

The reason I titled this post as "A Call to Our Version of Normalcy" is because I just want us to feel better about UGA football. I'm OK with losing games as long as I know that we're doing the best we can with what we have. I don't feel that way right now. I'm not sure the best players are playing on our team. I'm not sure that coaches feel any sort of heat from within about their decisions. I'm also not sure that fans realize that if you fire Willie Martinez, Rodney Garner is going to be the first person offered that spot. If you can't handle that, then you need to take a deeper look at how Mark Richt's ran this ship.

I want our coaches to blame themselves and be openly PISSED about losing. I want our coaches to stop blaming our players for losing. I want our coaches to realize that if a player is not "executing" on the field, those same players are being taught what to do from Sunday -- Friday, when the COACHES are guiding them along. Personal accountability is what's wrong with this team.

I got a piece of what I wanted to hear from CMR when he basically said that everything needs to get better. I heard fire in his voice. I heard discontent. I heard disgust. I heard anger. I heard an F'N FOOTBALL COACH.

All I ask is that Blair Walsh stop being thrown under the bus for things that aren't his fault. All I ask is that we grab our O-linemen by the facemask and challenge their manhood. All I ask is that if we're going to f*** up, that we F*** UP BIG. I can deal with effort mistakes. I can't deal with lack of effort, and that, my Dawg-friends, comes from the top.

I want Mark Richt to remain in Athens as long as it has a football team. I know that he will do what he's consistently done to make us better. I know that it'll be tough for him as well. I also know that our fan base couldn't be more discontent with where we're currently at, and where they THINK we're going. I also know that our problems are ones that can be fixed, with the proper change in attitude.

In my call to normalcy within our football team, I want less "Execute The Play" and more "Finish The Drill."

I hope they do, too.

Until next time kids.

Be safe.

Labels: , ,

Thursday, October 08, 2009
Well, it's been another busy week so that means another Dawg-gone Vlog. Discussed this week is the potential move of the UGA -- GT game to the first game of the season in 2011, as well as predictions for this week's contest against the Vols.

Sorry for the shakiness of the camera. If I barely touch the desk, the webcam goes nuts and moves all over the place. So if you get motion sickness, you've been warned. I will not buy you a new keyboard when you blow chunks on it.

Until next time kids.

Be safe (and Go Dawgs!)

Labels: , , , ,

Monday, October 05, 2009
I'm still too frustrated to go at length about the LSU game (and trust me, I could go for f'n days about it), so I'm just going to hit the high points and let y'all decide what to think.

1. Willie coached his ass off. Save the last play where guys didn't make the much-needed tackles at the time, our defense saved us from getting blown out. The score should've easily been 21-0 at halftime. Secondary still needs work, but we knew it was going to be rough back there this year. I think Bryan Evans is a good kid, but kudos to Rambo for earning more PT.

2. Mike Bobo is getting better, but still isn't consistent. We basically have one play right now that defines our offense -- it's the "Throw it to A.J." Play. I'm sorry, but that's not going to cut it the rest of the way. I think Bobo dialed up some good calls on Saturday, but we had guys, especially Joe Cox, not capitalize on big opportunities. Overall though, it'll get better only when the running game shows up again. I will say that every time we run it on 3rd and long, I die a little.

3. Speaking of the running game, where is ours? Part of me wants to say it's the O-line, but a majority of me says it's not. Richard Samuel is not a "toss sweep" guy, yet that seems to be the play we like him in. Caleb King is not a straight ahead runner, but yet we seem to try and power him forward. Waushan Ealey is like fresh air right now and running like a kid who REALLY wants to be the #1 guy. My question is, where's D-Jax? Where's Carlton Thomas? I'm not saying Ealey isn't good, but it's the age old "chicken vs. egg" question. If a freshman is making waves, does that mean he's really that good or are the four older guys that bad?

4. Our kickoff coverage makes me want to move to Canada. You know what drives me really batty about Florida? The fact that their kids look like they enjoy every snap. Even the special teams units give it everything they have. Why? Because at Florida, a special teams starter is considered a starter. We've got to quit throwing scrubs out there. I know those guys play hard, practice hard and have a lot of heart, but hell, I've got a lot of heart. That doesn't mean I think I need to strap on some pads and try to tackle Trindon Holliday. You don't win games by playing your #3 Offense and Defense. Why in the f*** would we think we're going to win the special teams battle by playing some of the slowest players on our team?

5. All I'm going to say about the penalty is two things: 1) Tim Brando nailed it when he said that the SEC doesn't want journalists to look deeper into who draws those excessive celebration penalties and 2) It changed the momentum, but it didn't keep us from tackling Holliday or Scott.

6. I should have a Vlog for the Tennessee game up this Thursday. It's a busy week for me and writing isn't going to cut it. So, you guys will get to see my huge head and way-too-damn-short haircut very soon.

Until next time kids.

Be safe.

Labels: , , , ,