Dear Florida Gators,
I'm going to make this as short as possible. I don't want to even think that I wasted a perfectly good 30 minutes to an hour's worth of time when I could be watching something 10x more interesting like "Ghost Hunters" or hell, even "Lou Dobbs." I'll take old Lou telling me how much this country's gone to hell because of illegal immigration rather than spending 1/4 of my brain power exerting myself over this post.
UGA fans hate you. We all do. We all have reason to, as well. You see, as the little baby of the SEC until somewhere around 1992, we just kind of let you exist. We didn't put you out of your misery like we should have. We showed mercy in letting you exist. But noooooooo, you had to go and hire the Evil One and cast a spell on us. Now, every time we cross into the state of Florida (something we also hate), we wet the bed and run home talking about "next year."
We're tired of "next year."
Enjoy your time with The Chosen One, aka, Tim Tebow. He's your Herschel. We know what it's like to have one of those. You know, that player who makes the whole team better by being on the field, or even just talking on the sidelines. Yeah, like I said, we've been there before. We despise you for it, too. If for no other reason than because it reminds us of the fact it's been almost 30 years since ours whipped you up and down the field.
This isn't as much as a letter of hate as it is a letter of warning. You'd BETTER win on Saturday. It's in your best interest to do so. Why? Because if you don't, then you all know it's going to be bad for a very, VERY long time. This is your last chance to parade around your trick pony. Get as much out of him as you can. The losing consistently should start soon and you don't want to bring all that on to you this quickly do you? The talent level is equal. The coaching? Well you have that in your favor for the time being.
But it's catching up to you, and quickly. We'll do what we need to do. You need to win the game so that the bleeding doesn't start sooner than it should. It's coming. I know it's coming.
There's no pressure on us, by the way. We know what we are. We are a 4-3 team looking outside in. We have no realistic shot at anything except pride. You know what builds pride? Taking someone else's. Guess who has more to lose in this game? The team with no shot at anything but pride, or the team who could lose their SECC-punched ticket, their MNC shot, and the title of "prettiest girl in school."
We're on the outs in this one, Gators. The last time we felt that way? 2007. The time before that? 2004. We're rested, you're tested. You've never gone undefeated in a season. You think we don't want to be the one that crashes your birthday party, craps in your cake, and then sleeps with your girlfriend upstairs because the "hunch punch makes her do regretful things?"Oh, you're wrong sir. We WANT to be that team.
And right now, we ARE that team.
Labels: I hate Florida