Let's just take this piece by piece:
1. Russ(tee) and LN both came and saw my Savannah existence on Saturday. It was indeed a great experience to see the two of them. I can't even tell you when I saw those two kids last. I know it's been a while, but it took nearly no-time to flashback to old times. Thanks to both of you for visiting, and Russ, Dodgeball fucking blew ass. You know it did. Anchorman owns your soul.
2. I was incredibly intoxicated during the Ben Stiller post but damnit, I meant every word. I really don't like that guy.
3. For all intents and purposes I'm going through a helluva time in my personal life right now. I don't know what to do with my parents and their situation. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place with them. It's a damn sad day when I feel more like the parent than either of those two. I wish I was rich enough to not depend on the small amount (and it is a small amount I swear) of money they give me each month for me to get buy. I'd do anything to be completely independent of this situation.
I love my parents and they love me and the fucked up thing is they love each other. But I honestly believe a mid-life crisis coupled with long distances and even illegal substances have played wrecking ball with those two. Of course I get to hear all about it but it's not about that...what it's more about is watching my Mom change into a person I don't know and watching my Dad stuggle. Remember when your parents were superheroes? Those days are long gone here. I look up to them so much and yet they do so many things to let me down.
I'm not even sure if I should publish all this for fear my Mom could read it. I don't want her to know how disappointed I am in the whole situation but damn it, I can't keep it in anymore. And I appreciate all of you who will leave messages and comments saying that if I need help, you're there. I really do appreciate all of it. However, this is one thing I don't want to share in spoken word. In print it's so much easier. Ya know what amazes me is that there aren't any eloquent words or statements to help in times like these and to try to put them into some audible form would do a great injustice I'm sure. All I know is that I'm hurting and I can't stop.
4. The job search continues. CC Radio Savannah is better than it has been in a while but I can't live without the stability. At the end of the month people are always either elated or their faces are as blank as the check I wish Bill Gates would cut me. I can't live like that. It's not my nature to live day-to-day or month-to-month. I have a five-year plan and damnit, it doesn't include not knowing if my next paycheck will be the biggest one (or smallest one) for the next 6 months.
What's most impressive about the job hunt is that I don't know what moving to Atlanta will accomplish. I really don't. Other than the obvious of being closer to that which makes me comfortable (namely friends and family), I really don't know if I'm just running from my problems again. Courtney doesn't read this blog and even if she did, she couldn't refute anything I'm about to say so here we go with the explanation of why I'm here in the first place:
First and foremost I couldn't find a job. I needed one so bad because I've never been the guy that enjoys living off of mom and dad. Can't do it, won't do it. I don't like helping hands. Secondly, I honestly thought that moving down here would get Courtney and myself back together. Why I thought that, I don't know. I couldn't justify it if I tried but I wanted her back so bad at the time that I would have done anything. To make myself feel better I remind myself that I also used to think Vodka was my liquor of choice.
So now that you have the history of moving to Savannah, you could probably put two and two together and realize that I was basically running away. I had never done it before and I figured a fresh start in a new place in a cool job would be what I needed. What I ended up with is the same problems 4 hours away. So I wonder if packing up and doing it again will really make it better. I don't know, but while I'm young I'm willing to try.
5. To end today's blog (I just realized it's much shorter and less depressing than I thought it'd be) I'd like to just say a few quick things about this past weekend. Seeing Heath and family (folks from Perry) on Saturday and then followed up by Russ and LN on Saturday night was the breath of fresh air I needed. It also made me realize how much [NAME REDACTED]'s move is going to impact our circle of friends. I don't want to jump to conclusions but it's going to be tough on everyone when he moves. The good news is this group of friends is tight-knit and really watches out for one another. I'm more of an outsider looking in when it comes to all of y'all but honestly, I'm just priveledged to be associated.
I'm the man that has the best and worst luck on the planet. I kind of feel like the song "Ironic". Everytime I want to bitch, I realize it could be worse. At least I have a blog. One day I'll write something really worthwhile here.
P.S.--Special thanks to Tony Simon for checking my blog out. I feel extremely important to know my bullshit ramblings have been passed over by THE blogger of the people.