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Monday, July 25, 2005
Look out everyone! I'm Hypocrite Man and I'm doing it for the people!

Yeah so in my "down time" today I did a little bit of thinking as I always do and figured out that even though I can't stand hypocrites, I can't stand them because I'm the biggest one of all. I can't think of very many instances where I will say "I believe this and only this and there are no exceptions."

I know this is a random topic but stick with me for just a sec. So I was thinking today about good looking women (no, not while my pants were down either...assholes) and why I love them so much. Most would blame it on my heterosexuality but I think it's more than that. I think I love the good looking ladies because honestly, I just don't like unattractive people. THIS makes me a hypocrite already because I am not, and I repeat NOT, a good looking man myself. However, I've always dated attractive women and I would break the cardinal rule of dating a co-worker, roomate, neighbor, or very close friend if she was hot enough. However, the good news is that it's not all about looks. To me, hotness is conveyed via personality BEFORE looks because I will not be having sex with you or even getting my beloved sugar if I hate your fucking guts. Sorry if you don't like it, not my problem. Don't be such a big bitch and my fat ugly ass wouldn't turn you down. Which, by the way, pisses off good looking women the most when the guy they'd sleep with last turns them down. Sometimes it's so fun being me.

But it goes deeper than my shallowness (nice sentence there). I'm a hypocrite in how I view stupid people as well. I tend to say the most unintelligent phrases only to REALLY get ill when the dumbass next to me says the same thing. The difference is in timing. Where as I might say "I don't like cheetos," I won't say it while someone is dying of starvation, unlike most dumbasses I know. That's a bad example, but I'm full of them today, just deal with it.

Lastly, the most blatant example of my hypocrisy comes in the form of my low tolerance for people that complain. I can hear all of you snickering already. Now, as all good hypocrites will tell you, the only way we keep our nose clean as hypocrites is by having excuses as to why we're not included in the groups we hate on. Well my excuse is because when I bitch about things, it's FUNNY. Most people just complain and whine and blah blah blah, but I do it with flare and the occassional gay joke (not that there's anything wrong with being gay), thus keeping me from being the biggest bitch on the planet.

Well thank you for letting me vent a little while I come to terms with me being a person that I tend to hate the most. I good you all a bid evening and any good looking friends of mine may report to my doorstep in Atlanta as soon as I get moved in.

Until next time kids.

Be safe.
If you're Hypocrite Man, I'm your trusty sidekick, Hypocrite Boy.

Amen, Brother, Amen.