And I'm not talking about from drinking.
What I experienced this weekend in the mountains is like very very VERY few moments in the span of my Ventidos (I THINK that's correct) years as a living, breathing, organism on this spinning rock being hurled through whatever the hell you think is out there. So naturally I received the post-holiday hangover much like that of Xmas, New Year's Day, and Thanksgiving. There are a whirlwind of emotions running through my brain and I don't think any of them see the "fasten your seatbelt" light frantically blinking overhead.
I love using times with friends that I value in VERY high regard to see how I interact with them on a level that I don't always feel comfortable doing. For instance, it's no secret that I'm the "baby" of the group most of the times and it is pointed out on numerous occasions, but mainly after I say something mildly to completely retarded. For instance, I thought James Blunt was Mexican and I was wrong. However, today I did see the real James Blunt and he is the opposite of Mexican. I DO know however that the video I saw was a knockoff in which a person of Habla Espanol descent lip-synched, thus causing my mild retardedness.
On a much more serious note, I have said some things as of late that have hurt close friends of mine and even more recently, I'm in a bit of a spat with another friend over some comments that were directed at me. It will work itself out in the end I'm sure, because it always does, but in the mean time it brings up quite the bold question..."Am I a fucking idiot?"
Now bear with me before you prepare your comments, whichever way they might be directed. All throughout college I was known as the guy who spoke his mind, partied, got drunk, yelled some more, once told a guy "don't be coming in here fucking shit up" (a grammatical high for me) after he threw a girl in a pool against her will at a party (Amos caught all of this on tape for the record), had a man who still at this point makes 4x
my salary hate my guts, and am generally overlooked in a leadership role by anyone that got to know me from 1999-2003. The dilemma that I'm facing is that I actually became what I wanted to be known for and I don't like it. I would much rather like to be viewed as stable, trustworthy, an oyster waiting to spit out pearls of wisdom, a pillar for someone to prop against, etc. etc. etc. That being said, I do enjoy being "fun," but fun only lasts until the party stops. Then where am I?
I guess I'm all grown up.
Now I would never give up the days of partying, doing stupid shit and the like, but I guess I finally want to be kind of boring for a little while. Maybe slow down a little, find a nice girl who actually gives a shit about her five year plan as well as mine, and just kinda be "there." Granted I'm still "young" and I have "my entire life to look forward to" but as I sit where I sit right now, that IS the life I'm looking forward to.
The somewhat minor "Kit you're overreacting" thing that happened at the end of this weekend really bothers me deep down on a lot of different levels. Now please don't start the gossip train rolling because I'm just venting here which is why I haven't named names and I will refuse to do so. There are maybe two people who know what I'm talking about and I know they don't give a shit, so therefore it all works out. But back to the topic at hand, I was really troubled by the whole thing. I don't know if it was the stereotype of my drinking that caused the whole problem or whatever, but I can drink responsibly and have done it nearly every time I have taken a sip of anything. However, I was combating that stereotype and I didn't like it...at all.
So, with that being said, I have a new goal to accomplish. If I drink, I will have two of whatever and no more. I will proceed to do this for two months (which is a helluva goal figuring the places I'll be over the period of time) and then I will reevaluate my situation from there. I think it's a good idea on my end to just stop for a while and see what life is like when my words aren't slurred. Now please don't misunderstand me because I DO NOT have a drinking problem and I never will. I can say that with complete confidence and I think anyone who knows me will agree, but I will say that it wouldn't hurt for just a little while for me to look at the bottle "half full" instead of being "on the way to completely empty."
That's just my two cents. I'll post more when I figure it out.
Until next time kids.