Collage 3
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Thursday, April 20, 2006
I usually don't blog twice in one day, much less in a 4 hour span, but this bit of breaking news I couldn't resist passing along...

*From the desk of Kit Kitchens

ATLANTA, GA -- A Georgia Tech student and another Atlanta area man have been accused of terrorist activities according to an unsealed indictment. The 21-year old was taken into custody last month and has now officially been charged with being a conspirator to terrorist activities.

The Federal Government has alleged there are videos as well as data documents that strongly suggest the 21-year old, named Syed Ahmed, was engaged with bringing this country to a screeching halt through another terrorist attack.

All efforts to reach the Tech student have failed until his attorney was contacted by the Notorious K.I.T., who got the real story in the most exclusive news dump ever to hit The Dawg-gone Blog.

Kit: So, I guess let's start with the obvious. Why America?

Dipshit: Well, it's not really America was as much as it was the University of Georgia.

K: I'm sorry?

Moron: Yes, UGA is one of the most hated institutions in the whole country. After this year's crushing loss, I couldn't take it anymore. I mean, we never win anything. No-fucking-thing. I was hoping basketball would be different and give us a break, but that was a no-go. It also happened to be the last straw. So I said, "I can't live like this. I've got to do something." And so I did something. You know that guy that burnt the building down after they took his stapler?

K: Milton?

( Photo: This man breeds terrorism.)

Retard: Yeah, that cat. All they did was take a stapler. It was a red, swingline stapler and he loved it. Well, I love not sucking in everything. And when my school forces me to suck...

K: in what your "daddy's" gonna make you do in jail?

Fool: Don't interrupt me. When I'm forced to suck, I have to do something about it. So I decided to just dump the whole thing. There can't be UGA beating us in everything if there's no UGA...and better yet, no America. It was a great idea.

K: Until the Feds went all Jack Bauer on you and threw your dumbass in jail right?

(Photo: Bauer calls ambulances in advance.)

Idiot: Yeah, that was about the time it wasn't that great of an idea anymore. But I still love Allah and he still loves me. I may not get all 42 or 72 or however many "2s" of those virgins when I die, but I might could swing a couple just for trying. I mean nevermind the fact I lived in a free country where people didn't smell like me all the time. I want to go back to the times when bathing and seeing women's faces wasn't mandatory. Hygiene? What the fuck is that?

K: Obviously you don't know. But I'm not here to judge. So why did you go from a mechanical engineering major to a terrorist?

Asshat: Pussy.

K: Didn't work huh?

Butt Pirate: Not really. But hey, I went to Tech. It's not like I was getting any to begin with. No wonder we can't get any real athletes to come here. I tell you what, though. Ya know what gets my rocket firing? Long division.

K: Not suprised. So we all know you're going to jail and probably for a very long time. We also know you're going to be doing a lot of "catching" and not so much "pitching." Any idea on how that rectal cavity is going to hold up?

Brokeback: Well you don't aid terrorists without thinking you're going to get arrested and be someone's He-bitch for the rest of your life, so it's crossed my mind once or twice. I think I'm just going to travel to my happy place.

K: Like in Happy Gilmore?

Weirdo: Yeah, but with more midgets, long division, and women with cloths on their faces.

K: Gotcha. Any final thing you'd like to say to anyone who knew you and is actually suprised you decided to venture in this direction?

Loser: Not really. I mean I'm a 21-year old Georgia Tech student. That automatically makes me foreign, sexually frustrated, inept to rational thought, and excludes me from being grateful for anything this country has offered me by not kicking my ass years ago. If you didn't see it coming, then you must be a Florida Grad.

Until next time kids.

Be safe.
Blogger Russell said...

Blogger Staisha said...

Blogger Stacy said...
I've decided that next time the Tech kid tries to stalk me via AIM, i'm sending him a link to this post and telling him to take a hint. ;)

Anonymous Anonymous said...
perhaps this is a good time for someone to point out that no single individual can represent wholly an entire population with whom that individual shares a single characteristic. There are crazy Mulsims, crazy Christians, crazy atheists, crazy liberals, crazy conservatives, crazy men, crazy women, crazy whites, crazy blacks, and so on. To judge a group by one person is not always accurate, to make statements based on that judgement merely makes the claimant seem uneducated and closed-minded.