Last week I had trouble sleeping.

Severe trouble.

It all started with playing poker last Tuesday night with Stacy G. and making it to the final table. When I finally got put out, I decided to be a good friend and wait on Ms. G. which put me leaving at about 1:15 am. I got home, immediately went to bed and then dreamed about my life being on the line in a high stakes poker game. No sleep.

The next night I went to bed a little earlier but not by much, but dreamed all night long about an ex...well The Ex, which again, meant no sleep.

Last Thursday is the best story yet. I went to bed around 10:00 pm. Fell asleep damn near instantly and was DEEP into blissful slumber. However, I had a visitor around 1:00 am. Has anyone ever seen one of these (below):



Yeah, I woke up with that shit wrapped around my ear. I reached behind my left ear to scratch the itch, when I felt a stinging sensation on my thumb. It scared me so damn bad I literally jumped/fell out of the bed (carpet burn on left knee) and sat on the floor so wide-eyed and breathing heavy that I could've been on an episode of "Cops: Best Speed Addicts." The heart was pounding and I couldn't see since I had just woke up. At this point, I still didn't know what bit me except that it was long and crawling. Now, before I go any further, please understand that I like snakes less that I like flying. And I fucking hate flying. So my worst nightmares involve snakes.

I jump up off the floor and look on my pillow and see something long and black. I go into bathroom and grap some toilet paper to grab it with and behold, the fucking thing is gone. Sheets start flying and I catch a glimpse of it before it disappears behind the head of the bed.

"You ain't safe yet mother fucker."

There goes the mattress off the bed. The box springs are next. Somehow, Jeb is still awake and hears all this crap and comes into the bed room. All I could get out at this point was "Help me find it." He had no damn clue what he was looking for, but like a good friend, he got on his stomach and looked underneath the box springs I was holding up.

The little bastard was hanging underneath the box springs AT THE HEAD OF THE BED. Jeb went and got some toilet paper and we scooped the INCREDIBLY long centipede (with pinchers) and threw him in the toilet.

From there, I channeled the spirit of a Georgia Tech student and rang holy terror upon that bug. My best moments included spraying him with Neutra Air and then pouring Clorox Bleach into the bowl until he stopped wiggling.

*Flush*

Things have been better lately as far as getting some rest, but who knows what tonight will bring.

Until next time kids.

Be safe.