Tonight, in an effort to be cool, I watched Grey's Anatomy. I was intrigued by the show mainly because of Ln's post from last week and all the cool kids seem to be doing it every Sunday night.

I'm not going to lie; I wasn't blown away. However, the writing is solid, the humor is subtle and I'm sure with a little more understanding of the characters, their challenges, personality pros and cons, and the general idea of "them," I'll probably grow to enjoy it. If I keep watching it, that is.

But after tonight's episode, I finally decided to write a little on the previously mentioned post by Ln, over whether or not it was better to have love and lost than to have never loved at all. At first, I was on the fence post, but now I feel the need and desire to throw my two cents in the proverbial bucket.

I have always been a nice guy. I've always been the funny one and I've always been the sweetest guy ever. These are traits that I used to find endearing until I realized what they really meant. Now, I no longer wish to be that way in any form because it limits the understanding of who I am in other peoples' eyes. In the question of love and losing or not loving at all, I'm choosing not to love. I have yearned, fought, cried, feared, and succumbed to some of the best and worst women I have ever known. And I know I'm not done yet.

However, in all of those cases, in every single one, I have never come out feeling better once it was over. They call them break ups for a reason and none of them are ever good. I have felt the kind of love for someone where I looked at them and knew I would be at their side for the rest of my life and I was O.K. with that feeling. I even grew to need it. And while I found myself grateful for the good times, they never outweighed the bad.

I can list my worst fears in a hierarchy and even give you scenarios that I have dreamed up due to these fears, but the one that always stings and always pulls inside of me is the one of dying alone. Whether it comes from self consciousness, doubt, or a lack of self confidence, I don't know, but I've had it since I was a kid and it will never go away. That being said, it still doesn't outweigh the despair and hopelessness that one person will feel when their heart has been broken and they realize that the person they hold in such high esteem just doesn't feel that way. It's a train wreck inside of your body that shakes you from your foundation to the top of your head and you feel the whole movement inside of you.

As a child of 1981, I grew up with the "grand gesture" love movies of the 80s and early 90s. This unfortunate timing has groomed me to love big and therefore fall even bigger. Nothing pleases me more as a person than to see the fat kid with the model girlfriend or the loser who dated the high school prom queen. I still hope one day I can lay it all out there to a girl while it's raining and have her melt right in front of me and tell me that I'm exactly what she needed. These are the unfortunate things that make me sweet instead of sexy. Which...sucks.

About a year ago I decided to change some things about who I was and how I was going to carry myself around the outside world. I swore I'd never chase another girl again and let her get to me the way the last one had. So I decided to just be me and if love and/or a girl hit me right between the eyes, then so be it, but the days of me chasing and chasing only to have someone pull me close and push me away are over. I may crush from time to time and I might even go so far as to get a little disappointed when it doesn't pan out, but I will no longer be a George type character on Grey's Anatomy. It hurts too much. Besides, the consistent hit and miss tension of people caring for each other and coming so close but not acting on it makes good TV.

So you pose the question love and lost vs. never loving? The latter, please.

What? It's not romantic in a woman's eyes by any stretch of the imagination, but in today's world, romance plays a part, but not the part people hope it will. That's just not the climate we live in today. There are too many intangibles that exist in finding a good person to be with. For once, I think I might just hang and let myself be chased...if that'll ever happen. Someone's got to want to be with me someday I guess.

There's your answer. I'm uncomfortable now so I'm going to bed.

Until next time kids.

Be safe.

It turns out that more of our beloved football players have found themselves into deep shit. You can read about that here, where PWD has basically summed it up in Cliff's Notes form. Now instead of bitching about how they need to step it up and blah blah blah and all that feel good pansy bullshit, I decided to say what everyone is secretly thinking. Yes, even you.

Who gives a shit?

It has come to my attention through many years of life that some people just get more attention than others. Is that fair? Yes. Is it justified? Sometimes. But here is what's not fair. A center for our team got arrested for public intoxication because he passed out on the shitter. Are you fucking kidding me? He got drunk, got the shits and did two of the few things that really treat a man well (sleep and shit) and he got ARRESTED for it?

Here's what's wrong with Athens today. That town is run by egomaniacs who are all in direct competition with the football team. It has been said for MANY years that Athens was a football town with a drinking problem (I've heard it the other way as well) and for all intents and purposes that is exactly right. If UGA was a college without a team and without it's tradition, I guarantee you that the town would lose MILLIONS in revenue each year.

So how do they repay the gesture of keeping politicians' pockets lined? Well they of course bust our kids for bullshit and then talk about how Coach Richt needs to step up the discipline.

Shut the fuck up.

Seriously, I'm tired of this. Every time I go "home" (I'm from Perry but for all intents and purposes, Athens is my home) all I see are cops flirting with sorostitutes and looking for excuses to throw the same girls' boyfriends in jail. The last thing I want to see is a guy who could barely finish high school throw some poor drunk bastard to the ground, beat his ass, and then call it "protecting and serving." I unfortunately hung out with an ACC policeman one time who told me his favorite thing to do was to find a crack head and beat his ass because no one would believe the crack head if he told on the cop. Classy.

So, naturally, the plan is for these dipshit cops (who, again, receive paychecks from revenue produced by those same football players) to throw these players in jail so they can feel like they're on the same pedestal for five minutes. I got news for you. If you're claim to fame is that you once caught Quincy Carter doing a line of coke and you let him slide because "it was the right thing to do" then buddy, you ain't shit and never will do anything productive.

Everyone wants to think that UGA has a very big discipline problem on their hands. Well here's the deal...Coach Richt can only instruct these kids on how to act. I don't know why everyone thinks it's his responsibility to make sure those kids follow his marching orders. When someone fucks up, they get suspended. When they fuck up a lot, they don't come back. If you don't think that's the case, just ask Josh Johnson, who could've had a helluva career at UGA but never saw a snap of football.

Now no one is saying let the inmates run the asylum, but at what point in time is some popular person getting drunk a big deal? Now if it was something serious like drugs, rape, murder, Tony Cole, etc., then yeah, suspend the bastard or do one better and throw him in jail. But until then, let the kids get drunk. Some of them break their bones for hundreds of thousands of fans and you want them to all of a sudden not drink? Boss, you couldn't KIDNAPP me from a bar if I was asked to do what some of them do.

What I admire from other schools around the nation is how sometimes they just look the other way. If Mudcat Elmore drives on a suspended license, then I don't think the world is going to end. He probably just fucked up. Ever fucked up? I doubt any ACC cops or Jesus have, but aside from them, we've all done it.

PWD wrote one of my favorite lines one time when he said "Gordon Ely-Kelso went skinny dipping with the Dean's daughter. Hell, they used to give helmet stickers for that." I paraphrased, but you get the point. There is no excuse or reason for busting our players doing minor bullshit when you could do something constructive like QUIT BEING A FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT COP AND GET A DAMN DEGREE.

And no, I don't care if you're a cop and reading this thread. I didn't say you were all bad and hell, even one of my boys from Perry is an ACC cop. That doesn't mean I have to like all of them. Hell, I don't even like most of them. So don't feel like I pissed in your cornflakes. All I did was tell it like it is.

Anyway, I'll just finish with this...

Football players deserve to have a good time. If you don't like it, move the fuck out of Athens and go be a policeman/politician/egomaniac somewhere else. You may not know it now, but if our program fell back into the pits of mediocrity, you'll all take a hit in the wallet. Except for me. I didn't drop out of college and become a pissed off, power hungry cop.

I can't wait for the next time I go to Athens. I'm going to buy a drink for every big mother fucker I see, just in case he does play football.

Stick it to the man.

Until next time kids.

Be safe.

That's what happens when The Song Writer and I get together. We kill shit.

Not really.

We did, however, have the proverbial "blast." I'm sure you're looking for all the gory details of the trip, plus pictures. Well play the lottery because it's your lucky day.

Friday

After one hellaciously long day at work, I bolted out of Atlanta at a whopping speed of 15 mph up I-75. Once I got around the 575 split just north of Atlanta, things mellowed out and I was on my way; now at 80 mph. I made it through Dalton, Chattanooga, Murfreesboro (SP?), and then Nashville somewhere in the area of 21:30 EST or 20:30 CST (Nashville time).

After a minor tour of the apartment (I call it "walking around and looking"), B@wcum said "I need shit from the grocery store. You in?" Naturally, I was and we hopped in the Explorer. He took me down a quick tour of Music Row where all the publishing companies, labels, etc. are located. It would help for you to know that when B@wcum asked what I wanted to do this weekend, I only really had two things in mind, which were 1) Find out a lot more about the music biz and what B@wcum does and 2) Write a song.

So after the very cool tour of Music Row, we hit the liquor store (which doesn't sell beer or cigarettes), Wal-mart, and McDonald's for a quick bite to eat. We headed back to the apartment, ate, listened to some music, watched some TV, I lost at NCAA Football 2006, played some poker, had two drinks, watched the weather go from rain to sleet to snow, and then fell asleep somewhere in the area of about 5:30 CST (so at that point I had been up for 24 hours).


Photo: B@wcum celebrates after taking all of my chips in one of our mini heads up poker tournaments. He was quoted as saying "Just like mountain trip weekend huh bitch?"


Saturday

I finally woke up at about 13:00 by the stirring of B@wcum and his coffee making ritual. The night before we bought some bacon for breakfast in "the morning" and since it was close enough, we went ahead and made some. After eating, I said "alright, what's the plan?" to which B@wcum replied "let's look outside." The carnage can be found below...






Photo(s): This would have put Perry in a complete standstill.

So B@wcum then decides that Closer is a good movie and we should watch it. I agree like a mother fucker.

After Closer, we wanted to go get some grub so we took a trip to the Longhorns down the street but much to our suprise, it was packed to the gills. We decided pizza would be good and we'd just catch the UGA vs. Vandy game at the apartment. We ordered the pizza and took a mini tour of nice ass houses in the area while the pie was cooking. Got the pizza, ate the pizza, Dawgs lost, and then the real fun began.

Going back to the two things I wanted to do on this trip, I told B@wcum it was time to write the song. I said earlier in the week I had an idea for a tune called "That's So Brokeback" where we just make fun of the gay shit everyone does. The tune gets written (by B@wcum), recorded (by B@wcum...and me on 3rd...badly), produced (by B@wcum), and mixed (by B@wcum). For the record, what he does for a living is as tough as it gets. The tune came off without a hitch and will likely keep one of us from holding political office one day. However, it's funny as hell and definitely a keeper.

After listening to the new tune a good 30 times, we played one really good game of NCAA Football 2006 (the #3 Greatest Game of all time by the way) which B@wcum won if I remember correctly. I had already had my two drinks and so I hit the sack.

Sunday

Woke up at 9:45. Made some coffee and waffed it under B@wcum's nose and we took off to drive through Nashville before going to Vandy's Gym and watching the Lady Bulldogs completely dismantle the Commies. For the record, the announcer guy at Vandy is probably the most annoying mother fucker ever to live, but in B@wcum's words, "That's the Vandy way." For a much better recap of the events of the game, head over to the Song Writer's blog. Complete with pictures. I do have one photo that I'd like to share so I wouldn't feel as if I wasted the shot.


Photo: Mediocrity lives here.

We hated to, but since I live in Atlanta and needed to get back, we had to beat traffic and leave the game early. It's a cardinal sin as a Dawg fan, but I didn't have a choice. More snow was headed in, my car was still covered with ice, and I hadn't gotten all of my shit together at the apartment. We swung by Wendy's and got something to go, I let the car warm up for 30 minutes and then I was on my way.

Some things happened on the way back that I found quite amusing. The ice would randomly fly off of my car and hit the cars behind me, which I found very funny. I also thought it to be welcome revenge against those bastards that toss their cigarette butts out of their car, only for it to hit mine. I then saw the following things...photos, naturally, are below.


Photo: Just because it's legal doesn't mean it's smart to sell fireworks and cold beer at the same place. At least they have the lotto.



Photo: Ditto on the above picture, except this time the culprit is FUCKING GASOLINE. Are you kidding me? This was just as funny as the sign I saw that said "UT Space Institute." I didn't think sheep liked zero gravity.



Photo: The white stuff you see on the rock is gigantic icicles. They were all melting and making waterfalls. It was cool.

Then, I got home shortly after dark and started blogging and playing poker. I won an extra $50 and cashed out $200, so the winning is still coming. I was up to $400 and decided to press my luck and play in a $100 buy-in tourney since I had rattled off 2 money finishes straight. I got my ass handed to me after a 50/50 call where I was in great shape and just didn't catch the right cards. It happens. I'm still playing well and currently second in chips in the $15 tourney I'm playing. I'm sure I'll lose now that I've spoken about it. (update: I was put out 5th after my AA got beat out by a set of 8's. I then went on tilt and I'm done playing for the next 2 days)

All in all, I had a helluva weekend and I hope every one of you enjoyed the long and weekend update style post you just read.

If you didn't, then you're just so Brokeback.

Until next time kids.

Be safe.

Just some quick hits for the weekend:

1. Heading out tomorrow (today) to go see The Song Writer. I'm really looking forward to it and hopefully I'll have a full recap with pictures Sunday or Monday.

2. I fought the IRS and I won today. Total refund = almost $2700. This is what happens when you have a job (see: Radio Advertising) and you spend ALL of your money on deductions like gas, insurance, etc. However, next year I'm going to get my ASS KICKED.

3. Total poker winnings for the week: $400. I've got that going for me. Which is nice.

4. Jeb and I found a place. 3 Bedroom / 2 Bath at Gables Mill. I'm excited. Jeb is too.

5. I will not get enough sleep tonight. But I'm ok with that.

Until next time kids.

Be safe.

I know you're all thrilled.

I WILL inform you however that I had my biggest night in playing poker last night when I won $250 in a tourney. I then cashed out $200 and am using the rest to enter larger sit-n-gos on P-stars.net. I did "ok" tonight. I finished down, but took a REALLY bad beat on the my last hand to finish 4th...which puts you ONE OUT OF THE MONEY when you're in a 9 person tourney.

Fucking yay.

Since it's Monday, I thought I'd share with you a kickass e-mail I received from a fellow 24-natic like myself. I'll be glued to the TV in about 30 minutes. I hope none of you are looking to get a hold of me.

In the spirit of Chuck Norris...enjoy. (My favorites are in bold, for the record)

Jack Bauer Facts:

1) If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.

2)If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with two bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.

3) Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.

4) Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.

5) Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

6) 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

7) Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

8) Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.

9) Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

10) Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

11) If Jack says "I just want to talk to him/her" and that him/her is you... well amigo, you're fucked.

12) Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.

13) When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.

14) Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he's knocked out or temporarily killed.

15) Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

16) When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.

17) Jack Bauer 's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.

18) As a child, Jack Bauer's first words were "There's no time!"

19) Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.

20) In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.

21) Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice.

22) Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

23) Jack Bauer has no problem following orders, unless you tell him to do something he doesn't want to.

24) When terrorists go to hell, if they say Jack Bauer sent them, they'll get a group discount.

25) Everytime Jack Bauer yells "NOW!" at the end of a sentence, a terrorist dies.

26) When you come face to face with Jack Bauer, you can do things the easy way or the hard way. The easy way is ingesting your cyanide pill.

27) Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.


Hope you enjoyed that. If you have any you want to come up with, please feel free to add in the comments section.

Until next time kids.

Be safe.

And I'm not talking about from drinking.

What I experienced this weekend in the mountains is like very very VERY few moments in the span of my Ventidos (I THINK that's correct) years as a living, breathing, organism on this spinning rock being hurled through whatever the hell you think is out there. So naturally I received the post-holiday hangover much like that of Xmas, New Year's Day, and Thanksgiving. There are a whirlwind of emotions running through my brain and I don't think any of them see the "fasten your seatbelt" light frantically blinking overhead.

I love using times with friends that I value in VERY high regard to see how I interact with them on a level that I don't always feel comfortable doing. For instance, it's no secret that I'm the "baby" of the group most of the times and it is pointed out on numerous occasions, but mainly after I say something mildly to completely retarded. For instance, I thought James Blunt was Mexican and I was wrong. However, today I did see the real James Blunt and he is the opposite of Mexican. I DO know however that the video I saw was a knockoff in which a person of Habla Espanol descent lip-synched, thus causing my mild retardedness.

On a much more serious note, I have said some things as of late that have hurt close friends of mine and even more recently, I'm in a bit of a spat with another friend over some comments that were directed at me. It will work itself out in the end I'm sure, because it always does, but in the mean time it brings up quite the bold question...

"Am I a fucking idiot?"

Now bear with me before you prepare your comments, whichever way they might be directed. All throughout college I was known as the guy who spoke his mind, partied, got drunk, yelled some more, once told a guy "don't be coming in here fucking shit up" (a grammatical high for me) after he threw a girl in a pool against her will at a party (Amos caught all of this on tape for the record), had a man who still at this point makes 4x my salary hate my guts, and am generally overlooked in a leadership role by anyone that got to know me from 1999-2003. The dilemma that I'm facing is that I actually became what I wanted to be known for and I don't like it. I would much rather like to be viewed as stable, trustworthy, an oyster waiting to spit out pearls of wisdom, a pillar for someone to prop against, etc. etc. etc. That being said, I do enjoy being "fun," but fun only lasts until the party stops. Then where am I?

I guess I'm all grown up.

Now I would never give up the days of partying, doing stupid shit and the like, but I guess I finally want to be kind of boring for a little while. Maybe slow down a little, find a nice girl who actually gives a shit about her five year plan as well as mine, and just kinda be "there." Granted I'm still "young" and I have "my entire life to look forward to" but as I sit where I sit right now, that IS the life I'm looking forward to.

The somewhat minor "Kit you're overreacting" thing that happened at the end of this weekend really bothers me deep down on a lot of different levels. Now please don't start the gossip train rolling because I'm just venting here which is why I haven't named names and I will refuse to do so. There are maybe two people who know what I'm talking about and I know they don't give a shit, so therefore it all works out. But back to the topic at hand, I was really troubled by the whole thing. I don't know if it was the stereotype of my drinking that caused the whole problem or whatever, but I can drink responsibly and have done it nearly every time I have taken a sip of anything. However, I was combating that stereotype and I didn't like it...at all.

So, with that being said, I have a new goal to accomplish. If I drink, I will have two of whatever and no more. I will proceed to do this for two months (which is a helluva goal figuring the places I'll be over the period of time) and then I will reevaluate my situation from there. I think it's a good idea on my end to just stop for a while and see what life is like when my words aren't slurred. Now please don't misunderstand me because I DO NOT have a drinking problem and I never will. I can say that with complete confidence and I think anyone who knows me will agree, but I will say that it wouldn't hurt for just a little while for me to look at the bottle "half full" instead of being "on the way to completely empty."

That's just my two cents. I'll post more when I figure it out.

Until next time kids.

Be safe.